Common Myths Associated with Couples Therapy

"What's broken cannot be fixed." – Fact? Surely. But we're not talking about a shattered vase here, are we? There's nothing finite in human nature, and its meandering, ever-evolving impulse is anything but unadorned. Intricate, delicate, perplexing? – All of the above. Now, love and all its complexities. Never a dull moment. We go from loving unconditionally to despising. And what was once our accepting, nurturing nature now shapeshifts into an eerily tough persona. Unforgiving. Merciless, even. Love. Cornered, we sing the helplessness blues. Together. Yet in solitude. "Couples therapy doesn't work. There's no saving us. What's done is done." Is it really the case? Is love irretrievably lost? Here's all you need to know about common myths associated with couples therapy.

The stigma

We are born into this world with an innate kind of resistance; we don't want anyone's help, yet we yearn for the understanding and approval of others. To bare oneself, to be vulnerable, indeed proves to be one of the most challenging endeavors a human being can face. Any kind of therapy sits on the precipice of eternal stigma. Why? Because it's the most uncomfortable we'll ever be – and in front of a stranger. And then there are friends and family members. They may see therapy as unnecessary. A waste of money and time. Why don't you just talk to each other? You might even start to wonder the same yourself. Skeptic? Why, who wouldn't be?

A stranger can't save our relationship

They don't know me, and they don't know my partner. How can they possibly help? It's a fairly common misconception. (individual or couples therapy) People doubt a therapist's ability to understand the couples' unique obstacles. That's fair. But, if we shift the perspective just a bit, we'll know that only an unbiased party can offer constructive advice. Instead of searching for allies (friends, family members), we should be open to an objective interpretation of our relationship.

 Couples therapy = divorce

The end must be near if my partner and I agree to see a therapist. – Done. Doom. – Of course, it couldn't be further from the truth. It only means one thing, really: You both care and are willing to fight for this. It's a mature step toward improving the relationship. Furthermore, couples therapy is about getting to know and understand ourselves and (fingers crossed) each other better. "But I already know everything there is to know about my partner." – Do we, ever? Really? Human beings are of intricate material. How well do we know ourselves? A lot of processes happen underneath the surface. In couples therapy, partners usually: 

●       learn how to know each other better

●       improve communication and strengthen the bond

●       achieve greater self-awareness

●       love deeper (i.e., friendship)

●       strengthen mutual trust

●       learn to nourish their commitment

The therapist will team up with my partner

One of the most common myths associated with couples therapy: taking sides. And, of course, it's just fear talking. Therapists are trained to maintain a neutral role throughout therapy. However, each session is different, and the dynamics naturally change. So, there will be times when one partner may need a little more venting space and attention within the session. All the same, the goal of couples therapy is to make both parties feel heard and understood. So, to debunk the myth, the answer is: No. Playing favorites is not what couples therapy is about.

It's too far gone, anyhow

Relationships reaching beyond repair status, marriages hitting rock bottom. "I was cheated on. It's too late now. Nothing can fix this." Door slam. Okay. The hypothetical ending is two scenarios:

 1. We go through with it; we hire our local movers in Winter Park, FL, let experts jump in, pack our bags, and slam the door on the way out.

 Or:

 2. We agree on seeing a couples therapist.

 Why choose the latter? Rebuilding the relationship is possible. Always. Love can be restored. Trust can be restored. We can reconnect. Of course, it takes effort. Both parties must be willing to go the extra mile. If we implement the changes learned in therapy, we can rebuild and reshape our relationship's core. Every wound can be healed, even betrayal. And it all starts with a three-letter word: Yes.

It takes forever

It might seem like it will take forever, but trust us, it really doesn't. If we're being proactive, that is. If we're on the same page. Do we want this to work? We make an effort. We find the time. Unlike individual therapy, couples therapy is what we could call a short-term process.

 Not that long-term couples therapy is uncommon. Some couples may seek individual therapy afterward, where they may address individual issues – anything from seasonal depression to childhood trauma. Or maybe they want to maintain the relationship they mended. A couples therapist can suggest a follow-up; strictly for evaluation purposes. "How are we? Are we doing better?"

 However, the most common session is a short-term one. It's where we learn invaluable tools for revitalizing the relationship. Growth is imperative in couples therapy. The goal is to move onward. Nothing lasts forever.

 Couples therapy can fix the relationship

The therapy itself won't fix your relationship. But you can. Your partner can. – It's important to remember: therapy is but a tool; without putting it to good use, we can't expect miracles. We mustn't. Also, we're pretty quick to judge. "This isn't working. Why isn't it working yet?" Because – we lack patience. We can't barge in, expecting, demanding even a quick fix. There are no easy solutions. It's love. It's complicated. Patience and willingness. That's all that's expected of you. Nothing less. Nothing more. Take this analogy: You and your partner are invited to a penthouse party. You enter the building. Therapy is your elevator. Who's going to press the button? You are. (if you still want to go to that party) 

Final thoughts

And the last of common myths associated with couples therapy: it's for the weak. Ah, but is it? Is having the courage to be vulnerable and open for the weak? Is learning to forgive easy? Couples therapy teaches us humility, honesty, and perseverance. It teaches us how to fight for the one we love. It's for the weak, you say? – Thought so.

Now that we’ve debunked the myths, what’s stopping you? Let’s work on improving and strengthening your relationship by booking your free 15-minute consultation to get started!